I have a confession to make. I’ve been working on a review of Saints Row The Third for a little while now, but Christmas got in the way. I’ve 100% the game and loved every minute of it. However my long form review was more-or-less captured by ex-RPS writer Kieron Gillen in his Eurogamer review. In short, it’s a game of pure madness, where if you trust the developers to give you fun, they’ll deliver by the truckload. It’s not at all subtle or particularly sophisticated, but it’s very, very fun. I like what they are doing with player-based content and telemetry, and it’s great to see a developer smack it out of the park with good humour.
Anyway, I had captured over 100 screenshots in preparation for the review, and I can’t let them go to waste. So I present to you my insane, not-safe-for-work holiday in Steelport (aka Saints Row 3):
Just cruising in the streets
El Chucapacabra, just one of the nice places to cause mayhem
My penthouse apartment
Me posing in front of my skyscraper
Dancing in the streets for the people
Steelport's raunchy underbelly... er, over-boob?
The game world changes after certain missions. I may or may not be responsible for the crashed cargo plane
One of my cribs. A redesigned nuclear power plant with angels out the front
Me hanging out on a ledge. Not pictured: 200 storey drop below
The main strip in Steelport looks quite nice at night
Business suit, machine gun and helicopter. It's all the rage in Silicon Valley
The nightlife in Steelport is... interesting
Just chilling with my VTOL. This was my outfit for the last part of the game
Suit, baseball bat. I mean business. This was my first outfit
My new, unsubtle look in my newly-acquired clothing store
My oriental clubbing outfit
Me and my hottie gang
This was mission-mandated. I'm in the more prudent priest's robes. An ally drew the short straw
My alter-ego lives in the airport and drives a pale lime hatchback
Rallying the troops in a cutscene, whilst dressed as a superhero
Surfing on a flatbed truck
Handstand-surfing on top of a moving car. The dismount was... unpleasant
Me doing my best Italian Job impression in a smart car
Dancing in front of a mural, with my kitty backpack on
A harmless jetski around the bay turns ugly
Posing for a fan
Posing for a fan, with my helicopter in the background
A crazy novelty store I owned
Ducking an explosive finale
Plummeting from about 200 storeys up. In 15 seconds I faceplant into a pedestrian and get up okay because I have a 0 fall damage perk
Streaking through the streets for money...
... which didn't end so well when I ran right into a rival gang and had to fight hem off...
... even worse when I got set on fire. I know I'm hot, but this is ridiculous!
My girls and I, ready for destruction
Main thug Shaundi and myself. I'm the one in the spandex
Drive-bys are so much easier in a tank
Protecting my homie with a rocket launcher while he sells merchandise. The red blobs flying through the air? Rival gang members
Nice explosion, if I do say so myself
This dude had no chance
He might be bigger and stronger than me, but he ain't as hot as me
Socking a Luchadore in the mouth
Off the top rope, er, tank. I like the military dude watching in amazement
I'm a bit of a showboat
Yes, that is a man being eaten by a shark, in a park, whilst dressed as a hotdog
Me being chased by fans... I mean, zombies
Obligatory Modern Warfare-esque drone cam. Yes, this is a standard weapon you can use
Just chilling with my 1970's retro tank
Me waxing philosophical before exploding a casino
One mission required me to gunfight naked, whilst dizzy. All my training has lead up to this moment
I've been ordered to take out this despicable eye-in-the-sky reporter. This will be a clean and quiet assassination...
Was it something I ate?
One of my homies, dissatisfied with her pay, decides to protest at exactly the wrong time
Me posing for a fan, while my homie gets eaten by a pack of zombies whilst defending my helicopter
Definitely go and buy Saints Row 3. It’s on sale now on Steam. I got mine from the lovely people at Green Man Gaming, who gave me a Steam key at a cheap price and no guff.